I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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