i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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