if you like me you must not know who I am
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
