Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
