i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
