Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
