Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
