you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
