it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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