You can't special order awesome
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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