You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
