It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
