your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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