He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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