i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
wow bdsm is so cute
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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