I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
