the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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