No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize