y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just had sex bonerless
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
