i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The best revenge is premature balding
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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