just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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