I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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