you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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