I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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