you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
