So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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