Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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