So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
