My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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