Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
