Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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