I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
