I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
