Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
