I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
