Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
