Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
