I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
