The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
