My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
