I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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