honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
