I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
