apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You're like the curious george of whores
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
