You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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