I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
