and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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