I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
