im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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