whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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