ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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