Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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