u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
