My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
