I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize