Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
