You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
