I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
