I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
