white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you made out with another girl for some wings
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
