what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
