Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
