I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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