Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
