I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
