my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How does it feel to date your dad?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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