ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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