I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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