why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
how drunk are you?
Several
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
