i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
