I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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