Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
