fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
