i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
